:(

wont be able to keep ew updated fo few daiz.He iz serious n i have to leave!

Till den loads of love!
Need ew more naw :(
miss ew baby!

8th Dec 2011

Myie day started with disappointments only,i dint loose any kg,and even i  sprained myie same fractured ankle and it was paining like hell.The pain was so much that i cudnt even complete myie whole session.
Thou there was lots of highlits in d day:
#i tokd to shivam bhaiyaz fiancé and saw her picz,and she is so so beautiful and very nice
#richa came at myie place and i helped her complete her model  *like we used to make in school daiz*
#Then the best one was toking to U!thou it wasn’t like what i olwaz want it 2 be,but still i am happy that atleast after so many daiz i got d chance to hear ew’r voice
#I even tokd to a.b vch i shudnt have,coz after that what happened is like i have neva done in front of em
Day was full of mixed emotions!
and evening till late at nite i was d center of attraction fo myie parents,dey started scolding me in d evening n continued till late at nite.Aaaarghhh!
N d worst thing happened late at nite,i was listening to songs and there was one particular song which made me miss ew more!

I really dun noe whether m doing diz rite or rong
but i really noe 1 thing fo sure,i love ew and i really need ew.
i even dun noe wheathr ew’ll evr forgive me or not,but i still wnt to hold on to diz.
I will olwaz!!!



In another life,i will be ur girl
we keep ol our promises,be us against the world
and in another life,i would make ew stay

8th Dec 2011

If you ever leave me, baby,Leave some morphine at my doorCause it would take a whole lot of medicationTo realize what we used to have,We don't have it anymore.
There's no religion that could save meNo matter how long my knees are on the floor, ohSo keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm makingWill keep you by my sideWill keep you from walking out the door.
Cause there'll be no sunlightif I lose you, babyThere'll be no clear skiesif I lose you, babyJust like the clouds,my eyes will do the same if you walk awayEveryday, it will rain,rain, rainYea for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll try, I'll tryI'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleedingIf that'll make you mineCause there'll be no sunlightif I lose you, babyThere'll be no clear skiesif I lose you, babyJust like the clouds,my eyes will do the same if you walk awayEveryday, it will rain,rain, rain
Don't you saygoodbye, don't just say, goodbyeI'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleedingIf that'll make it rightCause there'll be no sunlightif I lose you, babyThere'll be no clear skiesif I lose you, babyJust like the clouds,my eyes will do the same if you walk awayEveryday, it will rain,rain, rain...

7th Dec 2011

Lost a kg again today J.This diet chart is actually working, n i even got somebody with whom i can share my things and can be friend with,My dietician/therapist.She is 4 years older then me a doctor and even engaged,she is very sweet .Thou i don’t share my personal stuff with her,but i atleast get daily 2 hours to spend with and enjoy.She is exactly myie ditto,she talks a lot,about her family,her college,her fiancé!
Today i am advised to have raw fruits +vegetables.hope i loose a kg again.I am really excited to wear all myie old clothes again.
This was ol abou morning,i spend my whole day  and evening playing pool.It really is a good stress buster.
In the night,the same person who asked me about  our breakup  b4 cold me again.he has never cold me frequently like this,and now this is really strange.It was strange and weird thats why i dint answered his col,he cold me like 4-5 times but i dint pik it up.

Then something  happened which yet again made me realize that i m actuaaly covered with problems and only problems.I tried to remain calm,engaged myself in myie account,i even select a nice picture of ew and me for my account photo.Everybody appreciated that picture and then i even had a small 2 min kinda chat with your brother,he said that myie account picture is lookin good just coz ew r r also in it!:p
Around midnite i saw a video of u and me,and asusual missing ew den was mandatory.

Itz ben so long now baby,very long!
plz try to find a space fo me in your heart!
plz.




The reason i love you is you being you,just you
The reson i love you is all that v have gone through
And thats why i love you
That why i love you,That why i love you

6th Dec 2011

I lost a kg today,starving to dat extent did worked.If i continue diz diet chart fo 20 more daiz den i’ll loose 20 kgz,thou i juzt need 10 kg to loose to be fit,but 20kgz wud make me slim back again.todai m supposed to have oly and oly salad that too only two times.but as i have lost 1 kg,itz kinda motivated me lso to carry diz task further.
i am so happy tudai! Even i walked on trademill for 20 minutes that too without limping,that is also a achievement for me.I hope in d next mnth i’ll be back in action!!

I needed to share my happiness with ew myie only happy moment that came after suchaa long time.
Nawdaiz i don’t have a single stuff to do,neither it ok to nybody,nor m engaged in sumthin,so i am spending myie whole time playing pool online.I have become addicted to it now,24*7 juzt to distract my mind from missing ew,i play pool!

Pool is nowdaiz like a off switch for me,which switches off the emotions in me,but i can not play pool for my whole life,sooner or later i have accept things.
Last nite had a small chat with ew online,thou it was small but it meant a lot 2 me.Believe me when i said  ‘have a good life’ i actually meant do have a good life life but involve me also in that life.
Ew went offline after few minutez but i still had loadz of stuffs to say to ew,but i dint wantd to buzz ew either.so dint msgd ew.

I m here ol alone baby,deze small stuffz mite distract me,but my life iz empty without ew honey!,the core of my life iz ew.
i miss ew,love ew.
plzz come bak shona!
plz come bak in my life!


As i go my wai alone
I find it hard fo me to carry on
I need your warmth.I need your tender touch
I need  your love now more than before
I can hardly carry on aymore


"My world iz empty without ew baby!!"

5th Dec 2011

Dadie came bak home in d mrning,and the incidents he told us about hiz 10 daiz tour gave both me n mumma chillz.I really thank god that he iz safe and back home.N i really wish he neva have to go for such kinda tour ever again.

After a long break i evn got the chance to meet my good friend,she droped at myie place,we chatted fo long,bou ew,,bou college,bou friendz,bou her life,bou our school friends.It was fun,i even did her homework (drawing sum styupid stuffz) and that reminded me of ew,haw i used to do ur assignmentz and practical filez in college and did  creative thinkz for ew to express my love fo ew.

It  was my first day of dieting  as well and seriusly it sucked,who can eat only n only  melonz the whole day!, Later in the nite one of myie friend told me she reduced frm 125 to 40kg it motivated me,i waz at 60 needed only 20 kgz to loose. But hunger is 1 thing which cant be controlled i was hallucinating in mid nite pizza,burger,chicken,home cooked food.evrything waz moving in front of myie eyez.:p
U noe whenva i am sick or need you support,i miss u that is why i texted you last nite,but asual you dint replied..
How should i now make you understand that i m miising you like hell! ,and everything rong that i have done i regret a lot

There is only one  and only  one thing which i really want you to know and consider it
Plz come back baby!Plz
Love ya and missing ew a lot :(


“what I wanna know is,
Are you willing to try
Can you love me for a lifetime
In just one night?
 I love the way you kiss me
 baby please
I'm about to lose my mind
Oh talk to me, 'cause I'm begging for you
And I'm down on my knees
Baby, I know you're the one that I need


Baby I love you
You know I need you
I gotta have you
Can't be without you”

4th Dec 2011

Dreamt about you last nite and that waz the very moment in myie sleep that i waz happy and felt like i waz around you .But  waking up pricked myie little bubble of happiness.I wanted ew to stay there for long atleast it waz d only wai i could see you and feel you.
missing ew like this is killing me now,i day dream of reliving ol those momentz back again,i dream of talking to u,i dream of luvng ew!
Dunno wen these dreams will turn into reality?
Dunno wen u’ll forgive me?
Dunno whether deze momentz will evr come bak in myie or nt?

Till afternun i dealt with d reality of the dream,n in d evening i dealt vid the fact “m i good at ‘somethig’atleast something”!
This physical and mental imbalance in myie life has left me frustrated,and none thr den my mother has to deal with this state of mine.Yestrdai same happened n i did sumthing styupid vch i shudnt have done.But lately  myie mum felt that m going thru a bad phase and asked me wot waz going rong with me nawdaiz.I felt like telling her the truth but next moment i thought may be she wont like whatever i’ll tell her,and even she’ll b mad at me and then i wont be able to handle ‘this damn thing’cumng frm ol directionz,so i preferred keeping it to myself.Whole time m doing stuffz and in back of mind i m thinking abou ew n oly ew.
Going insane! Insane for ew.

Physical unstability can be handled but mental peace iz necessary for everything in life and i m far awai frm it.Ew wer myie peace of mind and i have lost ew.

I'm crazy for you Touch me once and you'll know it's true I never wanted anyone like this It's all brand new, you'll feel it in my kiss I'm crazy for you, crazy for you Trying hard to control my heart I walk over to where you are Eye to eye we need no words at all Slowly now we begin to move Every breath I'm deeper into you Soon we two are standing still in time If you read my mind, you'll see I'm crazy for you

3rd Dec 2011

  I know you pumpkin and i know erything about you,i noe how u wud react to a certain situation,But wot happened yesrtadi has left me confused.
myie heart still says its not u ,whu haz blabbed!

but if itz not u den whu?whu d hell told our ex claasmate dat v guyz broke up.whu cud it be?

He colng me afta so long oviusly waz intentional,vn he questiond me about our break up.i waz shocked,thou i managed it by juzt laughing on it  n colng it as a rumour.
but seriusly,i dun wnt oder ppl ,who has seen us gng strng ol deze 4 years  and appreciating our commitment to juzt laugh at us naw by noeing diz ,dat ew r gone frm myie life.
I still want dem to noe dat v r happy and stll standing strong and facing evry difficulty dat has came across us.
Yestrdai waz indeed a disturbing dai for me.I was going thru a bad phase which had disturbed me physically but naw diz emotional disturbance iz making me go super insane.
Plz cum bak baby! plz



Where are you and  I'm so sorryI cannot sleep,
 I cannot dream tonight
I need ew and always
This sick, strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting everytime
I miss you, miss you
I miss you, miss you

2nd december 2011

After everything that shook both of our worlds,ew wer not the same,thou ew tokd 2 me but it waznt d same like v used 2.
but yestardai i cold ew mny timez but ew dint pikd up myie col,ew deleted me frm ur accnt.n naw ew have left me like diz vid the feeling that ew r gone  forever.
Last nite was the worst nite in myie entire life,i cudnt sleep a bit secnd, myie mind waz juzt centrd on the fact that ew r gone.
A flashback waz moving in front of myie eyes the whole nite and filled me with mixed emotions.all the lovely moments left smile on myie face n dere wer momentz which i juzt describe as a feeling which rolls a tear down the cheeks.
It left me doing a reality check,and dere was i standing ol alone and on d oder side of the line wer doze ppl whu used to be myie everything, standing dere  vid ew.I dunt have a single person left to share haw i m feeling and what i m going thru.
i am ol alone and it hauts me,it pokes me evrytime and forces me to rembr ol d good  things i once had.
d only reason in myie life waz you n naw ew r gone.

 This is life without you
 I'm learning how to miss you
 I guess I need to know, how it feels like
 This is life without you
 I don't know who to turn to
 And everything I know, to say this goodbye
so goodbye
This is life without you.

For ew myie pumpkin!

Diz iz for ew myie pumpkin!
I am immensely grateful 2 ew.I feel fortunate dat  ew showered your love n compassion on me from d beginning.You have helped me at each step,at each turning point of myie life.You changed myie life,you filled my life vid love n joy,ew gave me immense clarity,ew made me free. and ol i gave ew waz ‘hurt’.
But wot iz done cannot be undone.I have hurt ew badly.I have failed to be a faithful partner.I have betrayed the trust ew put in me .

An apology naw vil do a little to heal d pain.I noe itz useless to sai sorry vn d mistake seemz unforgivable.But neither do i want 2 remain silent as if I dun care 1 bit bou wot i have done n d bitterness it bought ew.Itz nt easy to commit a rong n den wolk awai.The guilty feeling never failz to grow in heart.As much as i want 2 sai sorry n promise ew’r happiness once again,I also do not want to end our relationship

But for rite naw i don’t want to pressurize ew as ew r indeed going thru a bad phase like i m.
So,datz y i believe a separation vil do us a world of good.Let d dust settle n v vil be able to look into our heartz n see a clearer picture of our feelingz frm each oder.If ourz iz a true love,I m sure it will find a way bak into each oderz arm.


P.S- ew dun want to tok 2 me nawdaiz,but i miss ew,i miss ur styupid tokz,i miss haw v used to fite,i miss sharing myie evry little feeling vid ew,i miss colng ew venva i needed ew,i miss vn ew cared abou me,i miss disturbing ew like evrytime.may be u dun want to relive dat phase again but i do.

i will continue missing ew.n i will continue posting daily on diz blog haw i missed ew n wot ol happned

love ew zillionz!!
<3 <3